1/5/11

I got to get my hair done yesterday! That was my Christmas present from my mom and dad! I love the way it turned out! It's a great chocolate brown color and I don't have anymore gray hairs! At least for a month or two! It's funny that when I look at this picture of myself I look so much older then I look in my head. You know how sometimes people have a distorted self image. Well, I have a major one! Don't get me wrong, I still see a young looking person in this picture, but in my head I still look the same as I did when I was 18. When I look at this picture I see someone that is getting closer to 30, has a few wrinkles, basically someone my age, which will be 28 in March.

My self image is also not only affected by what age I think I look, but also by what size I think I look. I can only speak for myself, and I've been a big girl my entire life. Weighing in at over 200 lbs when I was only 12 years old. But, when I think of the way that I look, I don't see someone that is nearly 300 lbs. I see someone that is maybe 200 lbs. It's weird, it really is. You would think I'd see the opposite, but I don't. And when I'm looking at myself in the mirror I don't really think that I look all that bad. But that's when I'm actually wanting to look at myself. Not when I just get a glance of myself. If I see myself in pictures or if I see my reflection in a window or mirror when I'm not trying to look at myself, I see what you all see. Someone that is clearly very large. Someone that needs to lose a lot of weight. It's funny how self image is. I have a hard time trying to figure out how big I really am. When I look at other women that are probably about the same size that I am I think they are huge and I can't really fully grasp that that is how I look too. Again, it's just strange.

On another note, I've lost another 2 pounds! I'm down to 291 as of this morning! That's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself! Only one more pound and I'll be at my first goal of losing 10 pounds! Maybe it will happen in my first week! Yesterday before I left to get my hair done I ate breakfast and then wasn't really hungry to eat lunch before I left, so I didn't. By the time I got my hair done and went to do some shopping I realized that it was almost 6pm and I hadn't eaten anything else. So, I was really hungry, I started mixing up my words and stuff, that's how hungry I was. It was actually kind of funny. I knew that it would be a good 30 minutes before I'd be able to get back home and then another 30 or so after that before I'd be able to actually eat anything, so we decided to go get some Panda Express for dinner. I chose to get white rice, chicken in a sauce with zucchini and mushrooms and some beef in a sauce with peppers, onions and mushrooms. So, even though I had to eat out, I still tried to stay good. I could have had steamed veggies instead of rice, but when I was looking at them they didn't really look all that great and since I hadn't really eaten much in the day I chose to get the rice. Which was still better then the chow mein or fried rice that I could have gotten. When I got home I checked online on the nutritional facts of what I ate and calculated how many points I ate. And I was still under on my points for the day! Pretty good for "cheating"! Next time I go into town I'm going to bring some snacks with me though, that way I don't get so dang hungry!

Well, day five here I come!