1/13/11

I haven't had anything super exciting to talk about in the past few days, so that's why I've only been posting my food journal. I'm now happy to report that cravings for bad things are no longer tempting me. Not that I was giving into temptation or anything like that. I just haven't had any desire for anything bad lately. That's probably because I have my fiber bars and 100 calorie oreo bars that I bought that keep the sweet tooth away, without me having to go over my points. I'm glad that things like that are available to buy. Not that I buy them that often or anything, it's just nice to have a treat every once in a while. Today at the store I saw buffalo wing ruffle's, which is something I would have immediately picked up to buy previously. My husband really loves buffalo wings and anything that is flavored like them. But, I just walked right by them, since I know that if I did bring them home I would want to try them, and you know how chips are, you can't eat just one!

I was also able to get a pair of jeans on, that are still a size 24, but I wasn't able to button them before! They are a little tight, but at least they clasped! That's a major good thing! In my closet I have sizes 24, 22 and I think one pair of size 20 jeans (that have never been worn). I can't wait to be able to buy jeans that aren't in the 20's anymore! I don't even remember the last time that I wore a smaller size than a 20. Maybe it was when I was in the sixth grade and I no longer fit the children's sizes, so I had to go up to the adult sizes and I think I wore a size 16 or 18 then. And back then it was so hard to find cute clothes in plus sizes. Everything was "grandma-ish" elastic wasted pants, just ugly! And going into jr. high isn't fun if you have to wear things that aren't cute. Thankfully plus size clothes have come a long way, but I can't wait to not have to wear them any longer. It will be nice to shop in the normal section of the store, not being limited to the few plus size clothes that stores do carry.

Back when I was a senior in high school I weighed a little over 300 pounds. I started counting calories and lost a bit of weight and then I started going to weight watchers meetings and lost even more weight. I can't remember how much I lost, but I was down enough that I was able to get into a size 20 by the time I started going to college. I never really felt differently about myself back then. I still felt like the fat girl, my inner-self was not changed. I think that changing your thinking about yourself is a big part of weight loss. You have to love yourself enough to commit to losing the weight. I know I'm there now, which I'm so thankful for. And I know that me sharing this blog with other people has been a really big motivator for me. Knowing that my sister-in-law is most likely reading this helps me, knowing that people that I see at church every week are reading this helps me, knowing that people that I've known since I was 6 are reading this helps me. Because I want to be able to see them in a year and for them to look at me and know that I did it! I didn't give up, I'm not a quitter like I might have been in the past, but that I am a loser! But in a good way of course. Also knowing that I will see these people and they know how much I weigh is a huge motivator to me. I don't really know any woman that likes other people to know how much she weighs. Now just imagine being 300 lbs and for everyone to know that you weigh that much! It's pretty embarrassing, but sometimes that's what we need to kick ourselves into gear!

Edit to add: A few hours after I wrote this I did actually want to sit down with an entire bag of chocolate and eat the whole thing. My kids were being little terrors and I eat when I'm stressed. But, I didn't. I had a 1 pt chocolate cake instead. Willpower!!!