Having Control

Control is one thing that I usually don't have with my eating.  Even when I was doing Weight Watchers I still craved sweets non-stop.  I would rather have eaten a candy bar than dinner sometimes.  It was known to happen.  Since starting the Atkins way of eating I have been in complete control.  I actually kind of freaked out today at church after taking the sacrament and realizing that it was bread.  But, that doesn't count.  ;) 

I have not been having cravings, which is amazing.  Sure, I've made a couple sugar free desserts, but not because I was craving sugar.  Just because I wanted to try them out and at the end of the day if I still have some carbs left out of my 20 that I'm allowed, then I don't feel bad using them on a dessert.  Sugar hasn't really even crossed my mind.  I have complete control over what I'm deciding to put into my mouth.  I can say "no" to that piece of candy that the kids gave me for Mother's Day today or the cupcake that my daughter decorated for me at church.  It's liberating to have control over what I choose to put into my body!  It's an amazing feeling. 

Without eating the carbs, my body isn't craving more of them. It was a vicious cycle before.  I would have my meal, that would include a ridiculous amount of carbs, now that I think about it, then I would always crave something else sweet.  Which would make me want more.  A vicious cycle!!  I'm so glad that I have gotten rid of  sugars in my diet.  I do however need to find a good tasting carb-free sugar substitute.  Splenda just isn't cutting it for me.  The horrible bitter after-taste is anything but appealing. 

Oh, and another thing.  This morning I weighed in at 290!  I've lost 6 lbs in the last week! 

A Fresh Start

Where do I begin?  It's May 2012, I had fallen WAY off the wagon for far too long.  I let myself go, yet again.  And I got on the scale last Saturday to see 296 staring back at me.  Wow.  That's all I could think. 

Thankfully, a friend of mine was over and was talking to me about how she has been having great success with her new way of eating.  It got me motivated, and I've officially been Low-Carbing it since Sunday.  So, tomorrow will be a week of only 20 carbs a day.  It's actually quite easy.  Which, is very strange for me.  I'm a carb-o-holic, through and through.  I haven't really craved sugar at all and I could really care less about bread right now.  I'm completely satisfied and actually find myself naturally eating less because eating higher fat and more protein is very filling.  I've found some awesome Low-Carb recipe blogs and have been inspired that I can still have things that I love, just modified versions of them.  Now all I need is to find a sugar-free sugar substitute that I like!

So, thank you Nikki for leading me in the right direction. 

Here's to a new JOURNEY, one without giving in or giving up.  I KNOW that I can do this. 

Eat Like A King

My friend Hannah left me a comment on here about a different approach to "dieting". Eat like a king for breakfast, a prince for lunch, a pauper for dinner.

Essentially, one would eat a big breakfast with protein and fruit, a medium lunch with lots of veggies and a very small dinner. I think I'm going to try it out. I hadn't really decided what I was going to be doing this go around. I was thinking of going the smoothie route in the morning, followed by a sensible lunch and a normal dinner. But, when I do things like that I notice that I'm STARVING throughout the day and I end up eating more because of it. And, I really don't want to count points or calories or anything really. I'm kind of over that. I just want to eat without doing math. :) So, why not try this approach for a bit and see how it goes? I'm starting today, so we'll see if I'm not as hungry as normal.

Yesterday I didn't do the king, prince pauper thing and I noticed that I was hungry all day . I ate a packet of oatmeal in the morning, then some cutie oranges for a snack. Then for lunch I had some turkey rice soup and a couple crackers. Then I was still hungry at like 1pm, so I made a couple of tortilla wraps that I shared with my kids. Then I ate dinner, which was potatoes with kielbasa and then some cabbage and bread. And I ate a cupcake after dinner. But, I was hungry all day until dinner, and I ate way too much at dinner time. Lately I've been on a cupcake making kick. Which I find to be a lot of fun, and I try to give away most of the cupcakes that I make, but I still end up eating a few of them. You have to taste what you create, right? I don't really want to stop making cupcakes, because I really enjoy making them and seeing what combos turn out well and if I can create something as good as a cupcake bakery. And, it's not like I'm making cupcakes everyday, just every now and then.

I'm rambling. Anyway, today I'm starting fresh with the eat like a king "diet". I hope this will be my key to success. We shall see.

Real Weigh-In

So, I weighed myself this morning before eating and before getting dressed, which is how I normally weigh myself for weigh-ins. My real weight is 285. So, I've kept off 15 lbs and gained back 20 lbs. Okay... I can do this. I can get back on track and lose these 20 lbs and get back to where I was and keep on going. I'm doing better already. I made better choices at dinner last night and didn't go crazy on breakfast this morning. I ended up eating some oatmeal since I was freeeeeezing.

Today I'm going to start back up with some exercise. I don't have my kinect set up right now because we have Christmas decorations up where the kinect normally is. So, I'll just do a video or something. But, I'm going to get back on track and take care of this.

Wake-Up Call

This was just taken a couple of days ago. Yes, I've gained a ton of weight back. No, this isn't a sweater I would normally wear. We were at an ugly sweater party and I borrowed one of my mother-in-law's Christmas sweaters. Maybe it just isn't that flattering on me. But, really look at my face, it's really fat and my entire body is swelled up. I knew that things weren't going that great. I haven't been caring what I've been eating lately, which is horrible. But, I didn't realize it was this bad. The last time I got on the scale I wasn't that much heavier than before. I'm pretty sure I had managed to only gain back 6 lbs at the time. But now... Oh man. Granted, I am finishing up "that time of the month" and I got on the scale after eating and with clothes on, it read 290. oh man. I've successfully gained back all but ten pounds that I had lost before. WHAT THE HECK!? Someone slap me now. Please. I'll be weighing myself in the morning tomorrow to see what my true weight is, but I don't expect it to be much different from what I saw today.

So, thank you to my friend that took this picture of me and my husband. I needed the wake-up call. I'm not sure what I'm going to be doing this time around. And honestly, the idea of watching what I eat during Christmas is less than appealing to me. I want to be able to enjoy all of the treats. But, I guess I have to remind myself that some things are more important than eating treats. I'm thinking that for now I'm going to drink a smoothie in the morning, then a light lunch and a normal dinner, without the seconds that I've once again become accustomed to. And I'll try to stay away from the treats, but I'm going to be honest here. I will probably eat them, because it's Christmastime, but I'll try my hardest to stay sensible. Say a prayer for me. I really need them. This is something that I have to do. I can't keep living like this.

I feel like I'm drowning.

Yep, that's a good way to describe how I've been feeling. Overwhelmed, tired, slightly depressed and many other things. This summer has been incredibly hard. My six year old is over the top and drives me insane. To deal with it I eat. It's just what I do. Then every time I see someone that knows I'm supposed to be losing weight and they bring it up and I just say that I'm taking a little break right now and I feel like a pile of crap. So many people have been here for me to cheer me on and I feel like a complete failure. Ugh... I just want to scream.

So, I finally stepped on the scale today after heaven knows how long since I last weighed in. Expecting the scale to read somewhere near 300 lbs again. Yeah, it's been that bad. sigh.... But, it only read 271 lbs to my complete and udder amazement. I have no idea how I've managed to keep off 29 lbs. What?? Really? Yeah, I've gained back some weight, but only 6 lbs since I last weighed in on the blog. Really? Wow. That's all I can say. It's a miracle.

So, I'm back. I'm not going to be crazy obsessed with losing weight this time. I don't want to get burned out like I did before. But, I'm going to try really hard to just eat like a normal person. No seconds or thirds. If I want a treat I'll have it, I just won't have as much. So, that's my new approach for now. I'm not sure when I'll weigh in next. I just want to concentrate right now on feeling better mentally and emotionally. Thankfully school starts in one week and I'll have a little less stress when that happens. So, I'm back.