I feel like I'm drowning.

Yep, that's a good way to describe how I've been feeling. Overwhelmed, tired, slightly depressed and many other things. This summer has been incredibly hard. My six year old is over the top and drives me insane. To deal with it I eat. It's just what I do. Then every time I see someone that knows I'm supposed to be losing weight and they bring it up and I just say that I'm taking a little break right now and I feel like a pile of crap. So many people have been here for me to cheer me on and I feel like a complete failure. Ugh... I just want to scream.

So, I finally stepped on the scale today after heaven knows how long since I last weighed in. Expecting the scale to read somewhere near 300 lbs again. Yeah, it's been that bad. sigh.... But, it only read 271 lbs to my complete and udder amazement. I have no idea how I've managed to keep off 29 lbs. What?? Really? Yeah, I've gained back some weight, but only 6 lbs since I last weighed in on the blog. Really? Wow. That's all I can say. It's a miracle.

So, I'm back. I'm not going to be crazy obsessed with losing weight this time. I don't want to get burned out like I did before. But, I'm going to try really hard to just eat like a normal person. No seconds or thirds. If I want a treat I'll have it, I just won't have as much. So, that's my new approach for now. I'm not sure when I'll weigh in next. I just want to concentrate right now on feeling better mentally and emotionally. Thankfully school starts in one week and I'll have a little less stress when that happens. So, I'm back.

Oh What A Feeling!!

I went and weighed in at my weight watchers meeting today instead of tomorrow because Todd works late tomorrow and they happened to have an early meeting on Wednesday that I was able to make. So, Todd picked up Brandon from school today while I went to my meeting and I was back in time for him to leave for work. I also snuck in a quick trip to the store for the last few things I needed for Brandon's birthday party on Saturday.

So, the weigh in.... After 5 full days of being on the new points+ program, and having my monthly visitor come visit me, AND having Brandon's birthday yesterday, I weighed in today at.... 267.8 lbs. Now, last week I went at 8pm to weigh in and this week I weighed in at 11:15am, so I'm not sure how accurate those number truly are, but I'll take a 6 lb loss however I can get it! :D

Yesterday for Brandon's birthday we went to a local pizza place that also has an arcade and a big play area for the kids to play in. This place usually means for me: eating at least 4 pieces of supreme pizza, probably ordering some tator tots for the kids, but eating a ton even though they are "for the kids" and then my husband usually wanting to order chicken wings too, which of course I have to eat at least two of those. But, yesterday we got a sausage pizza (Brandon's favorite), with only one topping that cuts the calories quite a bit. And we also ordered a HUGE salad. Which we also got light dressing for. So, I ate tons of salad and 1 1/2 slices of pizza, which I squeezed a lot of the grease out of. Not too shabby. :) Then we brought a cake that I had made for his birthday, which I frosted with cool whip light, so it had less calories and fat then a normal frosting. It was tasty and I ate my fair share of a slice. Then we went to the movies, where I didn't eat one bite of popcorn, I only had a caramel apple lollipop, which is only 2 points+. After the movie we went out for dinner to 5 Guys Burgers, where I'd normally get a bacon cheeseburger, which happens to have 2 patties on it. Instead I got a little bacon burger, only one patty, two slices of bacon and no cheese. I only ate half of the bun and enjoyed my burger a lot! And, the biggest victory for me this week also happened at dinner last night. I'm a HUGE french fry lover, and I only ate 1 fry last night, which I patted all of the grease off of. Only ONE! This is a big deal for me!

By the end of the day, I had eaten 23 points+ more than my normal daily allowance, but the great thing about the points+ plan is that I get an additional 49 points+ each week that I can use whenever I want! So, even though I did eat a lot yesterday, I still stayed within my limits for the day/week. :) I'm calling yesterday a success, and I'm calling these past 5 days a success too!

It's a great feeling to be back on track, and a wonderful feeling to be back in the 260's! I can't wait to weigh in next week. Oh, and the new at home scale still hasn't gotten here, so I'll update my at home weight when it does get here.

It's A New Day!

So, I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting on Thursday night. I'm really glad that I did too. I'm completely excited about starting the new program and using points+ instead of the old points system that I was doing.

I'll no longer be tracking my food here on my blog, because now I'm using eTools, on weightwatchers.com and it tracks everything for me over there. But, I am tracking, and I am staying on plan. With the new plan all fruits and most veggies are 0 points, plus I now get to have 40 points a day instead of the 34 that I was allowed before.

On a sad note, I did gain some weight since I've last weighed in. I weighed in on Thursday night at 8 pm at 273.8 lbs. So, I gained back almost 8 lbs. But, that was at night, and I never weigh at night, when I'm at home, and I was wearing clothes. I still haven't gotten my new scale in the mail yet, I had to order it on Amazon and it hasn't gotten here yet. But, when I do get it I'll weigh first thing in the morning to get a more accurate weight. Then, I'll let you know how much I really did gain back.

But, I'm excited about having a rejuvenated attitude towards losing this weight. I'm glad that I didn't let myself fall off track for too long. I recognized that things weren't going like they should and I fixed it in a pretty fast manner. Previously I've always pretty easily gotten to that 30 lbs lost mark and that's pretty much where I always stray. And, I saw that happening again and I didn't want that to be my fate this time. So, I'm so thankful that I was able to nip things in the bud and get things rolling again. Maybe I will be able to reach my 50 lb goal by May 31st. Maybe not, but still, I'm on the right track. I'm not trying to lose this weight in a super fast pace, I just want it gone, no matter how long it takes me.

Thank you so much to all of my wonderful friends that have helped me so much throughout this past week. Thank you, I love you all.

I'll be weighing in on Thursday at my next WW meeting, but hopefully I'll be able to weigh in at home a bit sooner than that and update things on here then.

4/28/11 Food

green smoothie: 7 pts
hard boiled egg: 2 pts
multi-grain chips w/ salsa: 3 pts
garden burger in an english muffin: 3 pts
cherry tomatoes: 0 pts
fiber one brownie: 2 pts
sourdough bread: 1 pt

total points: 18

I need a little help

I'm having major issues with staying on track. Which, is something that I talked about the other day. I was hoping to just get right back into the swing of things, but it's been really hard. I'm having issues with sweets mostly. And eating things until the point of being sick. I don't really want to do that to myself, but I do have a food addiction. My brain has a hard time knowing when to stop. This might sound really stupid to most people that don't abuse food, and I understand that. But, let's compare it to an alcoholic. They know that alcohol isn't good for them, but they just continue drinking, not because they really want to, but because their brain tells them that they need it. And, it tastes good, gives them that temporary high, and that makes them continue drinking more and more. So, that's how some foods are for me. The hard thing with food is that I just can't completely get rid of it and be done. I HAVE to eat everyday, multiple times a day. So, in a sense, a food addiction is probably one of the hardest to get under control. I've been lucky enough to never have issues with drugs or alcohol, since none of those things have ever even entered my body. But, food is my drug. Candy is my drug. Cookies are my drug. Peanut butter is my drug, especially when mixed with chocolate.

I might just be a little hormonal right now, since it's almost that time of the month for me. But, that's just how I'm feeling right now. A little overwhelmed. A little out of control. Just overall blah... I'm thinking that I need a bit more support, so I'm thinking that I want to start going to weight watchers meetings and start following the new points plus plan. That will give me even another source of accountability. And it will give me a lot more support. Not to mention it will boost my motivation. So, I think I want to start that. Now to just get my husband to get on board with letting me do that. I did received a nice card in the mail today along with a gift of money that will cover the cost of the first month and part of the second month. So, I think that is how I'd like to use that gift.

Maybe I'll try and get to a meeting tomorrow evening.....

4/26/11 Food

egg sandwich: 7 pts

total points: 7