I haven't been counting my foods for the past couple of days, but I've tried to stay within my points. My father-in-law passed away today.... I've got other things on my mind right now. I'll be back to tracking things tomorrow...
I'm really needing to go grocery shopping, but I've got a sick kid, so I'm not sure when that's going to happen next. I'm running out of all of my yummy staples that help me stay on track. Today I thought I would share some of the things that I've tried and liked.
First up we have Light Flat Out Flatbread, these are only 1 pt per piece and make great sandwich wraps and even pizzas! I really love them! Locally I've found them at Winco in the meat department. I'm pretty sure that Walmart carries them too. Next up is The Laughing Cow cheese wedges. I've tried these in the Light Swiss, Light Queso Freco & Chipotle and the Light Mozzarella, sun dried tomato & basil. All of which are awesome and only 1 pt each! The Swiss variety is easiest to find out here, but some of the smaller stores carry the other flavors. I'm wanting to try the blue cheese kind next! Another product made by The Laughing Cow that I really love are the Mini Babybel Light cheeses. I love those, they remind me of my childhood and they are only 1 pt each also! They are great to pair with a piece of fruit for a snack. These are found in the deli cheese section of most stores. I recently won a month supply of PopChips from a blog contest. I'd never heard of them before and was so excited to see that a single serve bag is only 2 pts! They are a great treat to have for the chip lover, that doesn't want to give up chips. I really love the barbeque flavor. They are found in bigger bags at Target locally. For fresh fruits and vegetables, I really love Bountiful Baskets. Through them I can pay $16.50 to get a ton of fresh produce! I never know what I'll get, but so far I haven't been disappointed in them. If your family eats a lot of fresh produce, it's a good idea to see if they have a pick-up site near you. They go for sale on Monday at noon and then you pick them up the following Saturday. Another one of my favorites that I've recently discovered are Kellogg's Fiber Plus bars in the Chocolatey Peanut Butter flavor. At only 2 pts each, they really hit the spot when a chocolate craving comes up. I've been out of these for awhile now and I'm so sad. To me they taste like they have caramel in them, which I love! I find these in the granola bar section of most stores. That's all for now, but I'm sure that I'll find more things that I love as time goes on!
I keep having this fight with myself in my head. I'm thinking that my hormones are messing with me. I keep feeling like I'm cheating or not doing that well with my weight loss. Even though I'm staying within my points each day and I'm exercising when I can, I still have just not been feeling it all too much so far this week. And don't even get me started with the desire for chocolate right now. I swear, I could eat an entire big bag of peanut butter m&m's right now and not even think twice about it. Instead I just made myself a 0 pt cup of fat-free sugar-free hot chocolate.... sigh.
Anyway, I'll get over this. I just need things to get back to normal. Like I said before I've always used "this time of the month" as an excuse to binge and eat whatever I want. But, I'm not going to let that happen. I have control over my life and my choices, I just need to keep reminding myself of that! I think I'll go exercise to get my mind off of the dang chocolate!!
On another note, I had my husband take some pictures of me on Sunday before church. I was feeling especially small that day, in a dress that I haven't worn in forever.
Me on Sunday at 283 lbs
Me before at 290 lbs, I never took a picture at 300 lbs.
I'm not seeing a big difference yet, but I had someone comment to my husband that I look like I'm losing weight and that I look good. Actually I had two people comment that I looked good. :) So, I guess that there is some change happening, even if I don't see it quite yet.
Last night I got a visit from mother nature. Something that I haven't had in over a year. Needless to say, I wasn't too happy about that. At least breastfeeding for 4 months held it off for a little longer. You always have to look at the bright side, right!? So, my body is retaining water and I was sure that I would see a gain from the 5 lb loss that I saw the other day. Today I got on the scale and it said 283, so up 1 lb from that day. I'll take it though! It could be way worse! So, that means I'm down 17 lbs altogether so far! For only three weeks I'm still way excited about that!
In the past whenever I get my monthly visitor, I always have used it as an excuse to binge. To eat as much crap as I wanted. Chocolate being one of the things that I crave the worse. I noticed yesterday that I was really wanting some chocolate really bad. So, I had a 100 calorie oreo bar and that did the trick for a bit. But then at night I was really having that urge again. But, I just went to bed instead. That's a good trick that I like to use a lot. If I'm hungry at night, instead of eating something I just go to sleep instead. My body will be just fine without it, so why torture myself while being awake, just go to sleep! I won't be doing anything differently because I have pms right now, I even got up this morning and did a workout dvd. I'm determined to not let this slow things down for me. And hopefully next week I'll see a big loss since I'm retaining water right now. Like I said, you always have to look at the bright side!
17 lbs gone, hopefully I'll see the 270's next week!
I was reading a Weight Watchers article online today and it has questions that you should answer about how you'll feel or what you'll wear when you are successful in your weight loss and achieve your goals. So, I thought I'd answer those questions here today.
What can you see yourself wearing? I'd love to wear something like this to church!What kind of colors do you see? Are they different from what you’re wearing now? I don't currently limit myself to colors. I like color and I don't really care what other people think about me in other colors, so I think I'd be wearing the same colors as I do now, just more options!
How do you seem to feel? I'm sure I'll feel a lot better physically then I do right now. I'll be able to move around easier. Be able to walk without pain in my knees. Be able to jog/run! I'll be able to feel my bones, which are currently hiding under a layer or two of fat. And I'm sure I'll like the way that I look a lot better.
Just how slim are you? Can you translate that energetic, slim person to a target weight? My ultimate goal is to lose 150 lbs. So, half of my weight. I started out at 300 lbs and would love to be 150 lbs. I don't really have a desire to be super skinny, just healthy and fit. My first goal is to lose 50 lbs by May 31st and then I'd like to lose another 50 lbs this year. Then I'll keep going for that last 50 lbs into next year. I know it will take a while to do this, but I'm fully committed.
What will be the key to your own weight loss? I've never previously exercised while losing weight. Not seriously at least. So, I think that being active and getting exercise pretty regularly will be a big key to my weight loss. I also think that writing down every little thing that I eat and sharing it on here will be a big part of my success. I also think that having the support that I've had will be a big factor in my weight loss. Having friends that are following along in my journey and that will be there to motivate me when I need it most.
How will your life have changed? What will your new perspective be? What new routines will you have? I'll still be the same me, I'll always be Kim. But, I'll just be a healthier me. My life won't be about food, I won't live to eat like I was before, I'll eat to live. I'll use it as fuel for my body, that I'll use to be a lot more active person. I'll live a longer life, without diseases that obesity causes.
What will your Tips be? Don't be afraid to change. If I can do this, anyone can!
Not in the way you might think. ;) I weighed myself this morning and it said 282!! That is down 5 lbs from Saturday! I'm not going to update my stats just yet, since I'm not sure if the scale was wrong or what. I'll wait till Saturday for my official weigh-in to update everything. But I was so happy when I saw those numbers on my scale! Before I know it I'll be down into the 270's! I can't wait to say goodbye to the 280's! I'm trying to think about the lowest weight that I've been since having kids and I'm having a hard time remembering. I know that with my first son I weighed about 298 when I was 9 months pregnant and then after I had him I lost a lot of weight and was down to I think 250. I'm pretty sure that 250 is the lightest I've been since having children. I can't wait to get below that!!!
Everything is still going awesome, I haven't had any hiccups in my plans. I've managed to treat myself pretty regularly with sweets and what-not, but still staying within my points for the day. I think that if I deprived myself I'd eventually give up. Which, is not going to happen, so I'm happy with how I'm doing things! I'm still going to my aerobics class, and it still kicks my butt! :) My friend Katie has now raised a total of $315 towards the x-box/kinect fundraiser for me! I'm so excited about that and I'm so thankful to everyone that has donated. If anyone else would like to donate you can find the info on that on this post.
Well, my boys are out with their dad, so I better go get some stuff done! I'm looking forward to the official weigh-in on Saturday!
Two week weigh-in was today! I wasn't expecting to lose more than a pound, but I weighed in at 287, which is a 2 pound loss for the week! Yay!! I'm so happy about that! 13 pounds lost in two weeks!! That's an awesome motivator! I can't wait to see what the scale says next week!
I had to miss my aerobics class today. :( My oldest son was up all night screaming that his ear hurt, so I had to take him into the doctors this morning. Poor little guy has an ear infection on top of a pretty bad cold. No fun! I'm actually finding that I look forward to my aerobics class and was not too happy that I had to miss it today. Which is something that you probably would never hear me say before. Me, like exercise? ha! I'm hoping that my son is all better come monday as that I can get to the class that day, but if not then I'll for sure be going on wednesday since my husband has that day off and can stay with the kids while I go. I didn't do any exercise yesterday, so I need to for sure do a DVD or something today. Hopefully there won't be too much crying about me changing the channel from cartoons to a workout DVD.
Last night I had some pretty strong urges to want to binge on some chocolate candies. But, I didn't and I'll for sure admit that it wasn't easy to make the right choices in that moment. All I could think about was sitting down with a bag full of chocolate and eating the entire thing. I had 1 pt left for the day and ate my last 1 pt weight watchers chocolate cake instead. *sigh* I guess that's what this lifestyle change is all about, making the right choices. I know I have it in me to do this and I just need to battle with my old habits and choose the right things. I can do it!
I weigh in tomorrow, week two has almost come to an end. I'll be happy if I see even a little bit of a loss. I'm not expecting anything huge like last week. Since last week I lost 11 pounds I'm thinking that 1 pound this week would even be good. But, I'm hoping that next week I'll start on the path of losing at least 2-3 pounds a week. Which will put me at about 10 pounds a month, and that will lead to my goal of losing 50 lbs by May 31st. Until tomorrow...
I haven't had anything super exciting to talk about in the past few days, so that's why I've only been posting my food journal. I'm now happy to report that cravings for bad things are no longer tempting me. Not that I was giving into temptation or anything like that. I just haven't had any desire for anything bad lately. That's probably because I have my fiber bars and 100 calorie oreo bars that I bought that keep the sweet tooth away, without me having to go over my points. I'm glad that things like that are available to buy. Not that I buy them that often or anything, it's just nice to have a treat every once in a while. Today at the store I saw buffalo wing ruffle's, which is something I would have immediately picked up to buy previously. My husband really loves buffalo wings and anything that is flavored like them. But, I just walked right by them, since I know that if I did bring them home I would want to try them, and you know how chips are, you can't eat just one!
I was also able to get a pair of jeans on, that are still a size 24, but I wasn't able to button them before! They are a little tight, but at least they clasped! That's a major good thing! In my closet I have sizes 24, 22 and I think one pair of size 20 jeans (that have never been worn). I can't wait to be able to buy jeans that aren't in the 20's anymore! I don't even remember the last time that I wore a smaller size than a 20. Maybe it was when I was in the sixth grade and I no longer fit the children's sizes, so I had to go up to the adult sizes and I think I wore a size 16 or 18 then. And back then it was so hard to find cute clothes in plus sizes. Everything was "grandma-ish" elastic wasted pants, just ugly! And going into jr. high isn't fun if you have to wear things that aren't cute. Thankfully plus size clothes have come a long way, but I can't wait to not have to wear them any longer. It will be nice to shop in the normal section of the store, not being limited to the few plus size clothes that stores do carry.
Back when I was a senior in high school I weighed a little over 300 pounds. I started counting calories and lost a bit of weight and then I started going to weight watchers meetings and lost even more weight. I can't remember how much I lost, but I was down enough that I was able to get into a size 20 by the time I started going to college. I never really felt differently about myself back then. I still felt like the fat girl, my inner-self was not changed. I think that changing your thinking about yourself is a big part of weight loss. You have to love yourself enough to commit to losing the weight. I know I'm there now, which I'm so thankful for. And I know that me sharing this blog with other people has been a really big motivator for me. Knowing that my sister-in-law is most likely reading this helps me, knowing that people that I see at church every week are reading this helps me, knowing that people that I've known since I was 6 are reading this helps me. Because I want to be able to see them in a year and for them to look at me and know that I did it! I didn't give up, I'm not a quitter like I might have been in the past, but that I am a loser! But in a good way of course. Also knowing that I will see these people and they know how much I weigh is a huge motivator to me. I don't really know any woman that likes other people to know how much she weighs. Now just imagine being 300 lbs and for everyone to know that you weigh that much! It's pretty embarrassing, but sometimes that's what we need to kick ourselves into gear!
Edit to add: A few hours after I wrote this I did actually want to sit down with an entire bag of chocolate and eat the whole thing. My kids were being little terrors and I eat when I'm stressed. But, I didn't. I had a 1 pt chocolate cake instead. Willpower!!!
english muffin w/ sugar free jam: 1 pt mushroom & egg white scramble with fat free cheese and salsa: 2 pts milk: 3 pts baked potato w/ salsa: 4 pts chick patty pita: 4 pts 100 calorie oreo bar: 1 pt pasta with meat sauce: 16 pts salad: 3 pts weight watchers chocolate cake: 1 pt (I really wanted to eat an entire bag of chocolate, but opted for this instead... rough night with the kids)
low fat granola with milk: 8 pts banana: 2 pts light babybel cheese: 1 pt small bagel sandwich: 3 pts fat free hot chocolate: 0 pts progresso light new england clam chowder: 4 pts (the can says it's 1 point for a serving, in the can there are two servings, so I thought it would be 2 pts, but when I calculated it, it says that it's really 4, whatever!) chicken & black bean burrito: 12 pts extra black beans: 4 pts
I've decided not to weigh myself everyday anymore. It's messing with my head a little too much. I think part of that is due to the fact that I have kind of a crappy scale and I'll step on it one time and it says I weigh one thing and then I'll step on it again and it says something completely different. Sometimes the numbers are 3 lbs + or -. So, I'm going to choose Saturday as my weigh in day, since last Saturday is the last time I weighed in on here. The scale hasn't changed since Saturday, I'm still at 289, so that's why I haven't marked down any other weights. Let's hope I can actually lose a pound or two this week. Maybe my weight will even out this week since I lost so much last week. I don't know. Either way, I've already met my goal of losing 10 lbs this month, so everything is still good!
I'm going to try harder to get in all of my points in each day too. I know that when I went to actual weight watchers meetings years ago, they would say that if you don't eat all of your points in a day it can actually cause your weight loss to stop. Your body will think it's starving, and it will hold on to all of the fat and you won't lose weight because of that. Makes sense to me. I haven't purposely been trying to not eat all of my points, sometimes it's just hard to remember to eat all of them. I'll work harder on that this week.
On another note, we got our new TV set up this morning. My husband has a co-worker that was getting rid of their huge TV, because they wanted to get a newer TV, so we got it for free! It's HUGE! The speakers for the thing are almost as big as the TV! And it has so many spaces to put in other electronics like a DVD player and such that we were actually able to plug in our VCR! Which we haven't been able to use for years now! So, now I have even more workout tapes to choose from! Today I did Tae-Bo and a salsa cardio workout. I didn't get through both of them, but I was for sure tired when I was done! It will be nice to have more options now!
Oh, and my friend Katie has raised $120 so far for the "Get Kim an x-box & kinect" fundraiser! I can't believe that people are supporting me so much and donating their hard-earned money to get me something that will help me exercise even more! Such amazing people! I feel so blessed to have people that care about my health so much that they would do this for me! She has set up a bank account and all donations are being collected through the bank!
If anyone would like to donate, you can write a check and make it out to Katie Cornia, in the memo line write, "Kim Hilder Donation Account". Then mail the check to:
slice of turkey lunch meat: 1 pt egg white and mushroom omelet: 3 pts small bagel: 1 ptI burned it in the toaster, and was to lazy to make a new one, so I went for tomato instead. :) tomato: 0 pts milk: 3 pts fiber bar: 2 pts turkey pita: 4 pts cheese stick: 2 pts english muffin pizzas: 7 pts slice of turkey: 1 pt pizza wrap: 8 pts light babybel cheese: 1 pt 1/2 c fat free frozen yogurt: 2 pts
total points: 34
water: 4 glasses & 1 liter
exercise: 30 minutes of tae-bo & 15 minutes of salsa cardio dvds
This morning I went to the aerobics class again. This time I didn't use the step, I think I was kind of crazy to be using that step the very first time I went, after 9 years of not going to any type of exercise class. Everyone was kind of looking at me like I was crazy for not using it. But I know that I would end up killing myself on those things. Heck, even without the step I still couldn't keep up and didn't know all of the steps they were doing. I'll get it, but like I said, it might just take me a month or two. And I'm thinking that I'll probably be able to start using the step after about 50 lbs or more gone. I'm just too heavy for my knees to be doing that right now.
After the class I came home and got ready to leave again. My husband's father is in the hospital right now, so we went to go visit him. He's got blood clots in his liver and the doctors are saying that he probably won't live more than a year. Probably less if the clots get into his lungs. I'm not sure what they're going to try to do for him. He's 74, overweight, has major health problems. Most of which came from him being overweight. I don't want to end up like that. 74 isn't that old, I don't want to die when I'm 74, let alone earlier. Which is a main reason that I'm losing this weight. I want to be around for my kids and family. I want to be able to play with my kids on the floor or go ride bikes with them. Do things that moms should be able to do. I don't want to be limited by my weight any longer. And I especially don't want my weight to be the reason for me dieing.
After the hospital we went to Red Robin. Before I even left I checked out their website and decided what I would eat. I didn't have time this morning to eat anything for breakfast, so my first meal of the day was a chicken, bacon, guacamole sandwich without cheese or mayo. I also swapped out the fries for cantaloupe pieces. Good choice if you ask me! I originally wasn't going to eat the bacon, but since I didn't eat breakfast I ate it, I'm okay with that though. I previously would go to Red Robin and eat all of the fries plus a basket or two more shared between the family. That's a lot of fat and calories, not to mention the fry sauce that they serve with all of those fries! And I would just eat it without really thinking twice. It tasted good, so that's what I went with. I was completely satisfied with what I ate today and it's actually almost 7:30pm right now and I haven't been hungry since. I'm happy that I can go to a restaurant and not feel deprived. It was a good feeling. I like this thing called control! It feels good!
I'm a bit overwhelmed by the love and support that my dear friends are showing me in my journey to lose this weight! One friend of mine has set up a fundraiser to "Get Kim an xbox 360 & Kinect"! All I can say is WOW!! I really never expected anything like that to happen. EVER! Knowing that I have friends that are here to support me and cheer me on is the biggest motivation that I could ever ask for. I'm so happy that in this day and age we have things like facebook and blogs, where we can share everything with the people that we care about most. If it weren't for things like this I know that it would be so much harder for me to be going through this. This isn't the first time that I've tried to lose weight. I've done it many times before, and every other time, the only support that I had was from my family. And living in a house with other overweight people, it's easy to get off track and lose sight of what your goals are. I'm happy to report that my husband is also losing weight with me. He's doing awesome and so far has lost over 30 lbs! He actually started before I did, it took me a little longer to get into the right state of mind.
The reasoning behind me wanting to get a kinect is that I really hate exercising. And, being a mom it's hard for me to find the time for myself to do it. Not to mention the motivation to do it. I think that's the biggest part, motivation. I have a friend that lives about 45 minutes from me that recently got the kinect and while I was at her house I fell in love with it! It gets you up off of the couch (or computer chair) and moving. Which is so important! And, its so fun that you don't realize that you just spent an hour working out, which is what it is, a workout! I'm still committed to going to the aerobics class three times a week, but I think this is what I need to boost things up a little bit. And to have a little fun too!
I did weigh myself this morning, I'm now down to 289! I'm so excited about that!!! No more 290s for me!! Goodbye, I never want to see you again!! I was thinking this morning about what I'm going to do with my clothes once they start falling off of me. Right now I wear a size 24 in jeans, which at 300 lbs barely snapped. Previously when I've lost weight I would keep all of my bigger clothes. Just in case. And, what do you know! I always got back up to that size again. This time I think I'll keep one pair of jeans and one shirt, that way I can have them as an example of what I never want to be like again. Then I'll get rid of all of the other ones. I have no need for something that will only keep me back. I don't want that comfort of knowing that I have them to fall back into around. I don't need that anymore. I'm ready to get on with my life and not be held back by my weight any longer.
As most everyone that has ever been overweight knows, it's not just about losing weight. It really is about dealing with issues that are holding you back and have held you back for so long. I've had some pretty traumatic things happen to me in my life. Things that I'm not going to go into right now. But, when I was younger and putting on all of this weight I always turned to food to deal with them. Maybe not in front of the whole world, I was the classic fat girl that never ate in front of other people. Always doing it in secret so that people wouldn't see me. I actually remember being a child in elementary school and making up lies saying that I was allergic to chocolate milk or something else, because I didn't want the other kids to look at me drinking it or eating fatty things. Then when I was older and in high school I practically never ate lunch at school. Maybe I'd bring something really small to snack on, but never an entire lunch. And then when school would let out and I was old enough to drive, I'd be at that drive-thru window or home eating tons of junk. I even remember when I was dating my husband I didn't really want to eat in front of him and after our date I'd go through the taco bell drive-thru on my way home. Like I said, the classic fat girl. Anyway, enough of that! I'm done with that, I can control myself and eat normally without going out of control. I can do it!
It's been an official week, I've lost 11 pounds! Here's to the next week!!
egg white and turkey sausage scramble: 5 pts potatoes: 3 pts shrimp salad~ lettuce & tomatoes: 0 pts shrimp: 1 pt fat free sour cream and salsa dressing: 2 pts black beans: 1 pt corn: 1 pt lean cuisine mushroom pizza: 6 pts brownies: 3 pts (made w/ 2 c. pumpkin & a box of brownie mix) random leftovers : 11 pts (it's amazing how long it takes to get through leftovers when you don't eat very much at a time!) apple: 2 pts
total points: 35
water: 2.5 liters
exercise: 30 minutes of workout dvd
Since I'm down to 289 my points have gone down from 36 to 35!!
I went to a step aerobics class this morning. The first one in about nine years. I was probably a sight to see. I missed a lot of the steps and don't think I'm even able to move my body in some of the ways that they did, but I went. I did it. I'm not going to give up on it either. I'll probably never look like some of the women in that class, jumping around and moving super fast. But, I also carry a good 100+ pounds more then they do. So, I think I did good for me. I might have to come up with some revised moves for myself, I'll just make sure I stick to the back of the room instead of being right up in the front. It was fun though. It was nice to be moving around and it was really nice to not have my kids with me. That probably won't happen very often, but since my husband didn't have to work until late today, I took advantage of that and went by myself! Another bonus with that class is that it's free! They hold it at a local church building and kids are welcome. I think I live in a pretty awesome place!
I didn't weigh myself yet today, I'll probably wait till tomorrow to see how I am. I'm not expecting super fast weight loss anymore. 10 pounds in one week is amazing, but I doubt that I'll be able to do that well every week. Like I said before, I'll be happy with 2-3 pounds a week.
I had my husband take some before pictures for me yesterday. I didn't even think of doing it before, but I joined a weight loss group, so I needed some before pics. So, this is me, in all of my glory, without any makeup, at 291 lbs. Made sure to wear a short sleeve shirt to show off the extra fat arms... Ugh, I just thought of something. I remember being in High School and a guy told me that I had cute "potato arms" meaning that my arms are so fat that it looks like a potato above my elbow. What the heck? Why would he say some thing like that to me? I didn't take it as a compliment, just because you throw the word "cute" before something bad doesn't make it good. Anyway, here are the pics... So, that's what almost 300 lbs looks like on a 5 foot 2 inch body. Scary, isn't it?
On a good note, I've met my first goal! I've officially lost 10 pounds! It's only been six days so far and I'm so happy about that! I can't wait to get to my next goal of 20 pounds! Yesterday I pledged to lose 50 lbs by May 31st on the biggest loser website. They are donating food to a food bank of my choice, which is the Idaho food bank, pound for pound of what I pledged. So, 50 lbs of food will be donated to people who need it, all because I'm going to lose 50 lbs, pretty good!! I think that's a nice motivation for me too, I have to remember that they have committed to donating the food, and I have to commit to losing the weight.
I was kind of worried about yesterday because I ate a lot of dinner. I was pretty hungry, so I piled my plate pretty high. I tried to take more of the veggies then anything else, but I guess the pure volume of food was messing with my head. I felt a bit bad after I ate it all. But, I was good and didn't eat any of the treats that were brought to a church activity last night. Although they were super cute! I just stuck with a cup of water. Much better for my butt. :)
Well, six days down, ten pounds of flubber gone, on to day seven....
I got to get my hair done yesterday! That was my Christmas present from my mom and dad! I love the way it turned out! It's a great chocolate brown color and I don't have anymore gray hairs! At least for a month or two! It's funny that when I look at this picture of myself I look so much older then I look in my head. You know how sometimes people have a distorted self image. Well, I have a major one! Don't get me wrong, I still see a young looking person in this picture, but in my head I still look the same as I did when I was 18. When I look at this picture I see someone that is getting closer to 30, has a few wrinkles, basically someone my age, which will be 28 in March.
My self image is also not only affected by what age I think I look, but also by what size I think I look. I can only speak for myself, and I've been a big girl my entire life. Weighing in at over 200 lbs when I was only 12 years old. But, when I think of the way that I look, I don't see someone that is nearly 300 lbs. I see someone that is maybe 200 lbs. It's weird, it really is. You would think I'd see the opposite, but I don't. And when I'm looking at myself in the mirror I don't really think that I look all that bad. But that's when I'm actually wanting to look at myself. Not when I just get a glance of myself. If I see myself in pictures or if I see my reflection in a window or mirror when I'm not trying to look at myself, I see what you all see. Someone that is clearly very large. Someone that needs to lose a lot of weight. It's funny how self image is. I have a hard time trying to figure out how big I really am. When I look at other women that are probably about the same size that I am I think they are huge and I can't really fully grasp that that is how I look too. Again, it's just strange.
On another note, I've lost another 2 pounds! I'm down to 291 as of this morning! That's pretty awesome, if I do say so myself! Only one more pound and I'll be at my first goal of losing 10 pounds! Maybe it will happen in my first week! Yesterday before I left to get my hair done I ate breakfast and then wasn't really hungry to eat lunch before I left, so I didn't. By the time I got my hair done and went to do some shopping I realized that it was almost 6pm and I hadn't eaten anything else. So, I was really hungry, I started mixing up my words and stuff, that's how hungry I was. It was actually kind of funny. I knew that it would be a good 30 minutes before I'd be able to get back home and then another 30 or so after that before I'd be able to actually eat anything, so we decided to go get some Panda Express for dinner. I chose to get white rice, chicken in a sauce with zucchini and mushrooms and some beef in a sauce with peppers, onions and mushrooms. So, even though I had to eat out, I still tried to stay good. I could have had steamed veggies instead of rice, but when I was looking at them they didn't really look all that great and since I hadn't really eaten much in the day I chose to get the rice. Which was still better then the chow mein or fried rice that I could have gotten. When I got home I checked online on the nutritional facts of what I ate and calculated how many points I ate. And I was still under on my points for the day! Pretty good for "cheating"! Next time I go into town I'm going to bring some snacks with me though, that way I don't get so dang hungry!
Weighed in again this morning and I'm down another pound. So, I'm down to 293! I can't wait to get out of the 290s! And by the rate that I'm going that might just be next week! I know that I'll lose a good amount this first week, but then it will cool down to a pound or two a week. Which I'm okay with, but I'd much rather lose closer to the 2-3 pound a week range. I'd like to lose about 10 pounds a month. That way, at the end of the year mark I'll be down a good 100+ pounds! So, my goals are in ten pound increments, hoping for that to be met monthly.
Thinking back on my eating habits I'm really ashamed of how bad they really were. Why on earth would I think that it's okay to be eating such things everyday. I mean, a typical day for me would be like this:
Breakfast~ 2 or 3 eggs, sausage or bacon (at least a couple of pieces) hash browns cooked in butter & toast with butter, sometimes two pieces. Hello? What the crap am I thinking that that is an okay thing to eat for breakfast every morning? No wonder I have a 5 year old son that is close to 80 lbs! Oh, and I need add in the dessert that I seem to think that I need to have after every meal, so add in a cookie to that breakfast too.
Snack~ (which if you were to ask me if I snacked, I would probably tell you that I didn't, because I mindlessly snacked on things all day long) handful or two or three of chips or crackers, not healthy crackers though, more like chicken in a biscuit crackers, do you have any idea how bad those are for you!?
Lunch~ Mac & Cheese, hot dogs, chips, maybe a piece of fruit. Typically, whatever the kids eat is what I'd eat. Something easy that I know that they would eat. But really, why should my kids eat like that?!
Snack~ a few cookies
Dinner~ Meatloaf, mashed potatoes, gravy, peas, bread with butter. Things that are heavy and fat laden. I'm sure I'll still eat things similar to this, but made healthier.
Dessert~ cheesecake with milk and maybe another slice if I felt like it.
So, there you go. This would be a typical day of what I would have eaten. No wonder I weigh so dang much! I'm pretty ashamed to come out and tell everyone in the world that I ate so horribly, and this was only a couple of days ago! Not to mention how much worse it was during the holidays with all of the candies and treats that I was making! Yeah, these things taste good, but they surely aren't good for me! And I'm not saying that I will never eat these things again, but they can for sure be made healthier and I can for sure eat less of them.
Well, I guess what matters most is that I'm taking the steps to not eat so unhealthy any longer. I need to go to the store today and stock up on fruits and veggies, something that has kind of been nonexistent in my diet lately. Not on purpose or anything, I just don't have much in my house right now.
Three days down, seven pounds gone, on to day four!
So, I weighed myself again this morning and I'm now at 294, I guess those first five pounds were for real then! So excited that in only two days I've lost 6 pounds! I guess it's easier for me to lose so much in the beginning since I'm so big to begin with. It's amazing how much less I'm eating. I would mindlessly snack on things throughout the day without even realizing it. A cookie here, a handful of chips there. A piece of pie, a slice of cake. All of those things added up to me being as huge as I am! Now that I'm writing everything down that I eat and making better choices, I guess that I have no other choice but to start losing! I have to actually think about it if I do want a treat and then when I have it, I make it count. I savor that treat and make it last a long time. Heck, the fiber bars are my treat now! Those things are pretty good too, I have the Kellogg's ones right now and the one that I have has caramel in it. They are really good and make me feel like I'm cheating! I guess that's a good thing!
Yesterday I wasn't in full control over everything I ate. My husband did make me lunch and dinner because I had a really fussy baby yesterday. Poor little girl had a stuffy nose and didn't want to be put down very much. He even served my plate, so I didn't really have much control over how much he put on my plate. And for me, unfortunately, if you pile it high on my plate I'll eat it all, even if I wasn't really super hungry to begin with. That's just how I am. But, I still feel good about yesterday. No regrets. I counted everything that I ate, as best as I could.
Yesterday I also baked a bunch of potatoes and made two pots of beans. All of which will be incorporated into my meals for this week. So, two days down, onto the third.
Somehow I managed to lose 5 pounds in one day. hmmm, not sure on that one, but I weighed myself three times this morning to check it and it never changed. We'll see what tomorrow says. :) I'm going to be weighing myself whenever I want to, no rules about only once a week or anything like that. I know that weight fluctuates from day to day, so I expect some days to see gains and some days to see losses. Either way, this is how I want to do it. So, I'm now weighing in at 295, much better then 300, that's a pretty scary number for someone that is as short as I am. Heck, even 200 is heavy for a person of my height.
Yesterday went pretty well, I wasn't really hungry since I snacked on things like popcorn and fiber bars. I never felt deprived of anything, I even had some chocolate and stayed under my points range. I'll try not to do that very often though, I think it's pretty important for me to eat all of my points since I'm nursing part time still. And, I don't really know how many points were in my dinner since I was estimating, so who knows, I might have been over by a bit too.
Four months ago I had a baby girl! My first and only girl after having two boys. While I was pregnant I only gained 16 pounds, bringing me up to 316 the day that I delivered her. Right after I had her I lost a ton of weight and was down to 280. Now, four months later I'm somehow back to 300. I have no idea what I was thinking when I was stuffing all of that junk in my mouth. Maybe using nursing her as an excuse to be eating that way. I don't know. But, what I do know now is that I'm ready. I'm now ready to get serious about this. I don't want to be the fat mom anymore. My kids deserve better, I deserve better, my husband deserves better.
So, this is my journey. I'd like to get down to 200 lbs and see what it's like to be at that weight and then go from there. I'm still nursing some of the time, but my sweet baby girl is deciding now that she likes her bottle better then me, so I'm not sure how long that will last. I'll be using the weight watchers points system, but I'm not actually going to meetings or doing it online officially. I'm kinda too poor for that. It looks like I'll be starting out with about 36 points a day, give or take a few.
I'm excited to get this weight off. It's been far too long. I'll be tracking my weight and what I eat on this journal. Hopefully this will make me more accountable for my actions. :)